The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers. (delascabezas) wrote,
The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers.
delascabezas

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Santa Has Been Drinking (Apologies to Tom Waits)

Well, the Santa has been drinking, my yule log is asleep
and the sled is back in the North Pole, and left me all alone
And Rudolph has to take a leak
Have you noticed that the elves all need a haircut?
and the fattened goose looks like a prison break
and the the wreath is out of lip balm
and as usual, the chimmeny is on the make
and the Santa has been drinking
heavily

And the Santa has been drinking, he's on the nice stuff tonight
The Santa has been drinking
And you can't find your missus, even with a Geiger counter
And I guarantee you that she will hate you from the bottom of her glass of milk
and all of the kids
But mind you, you just can't get jolly without her
And the Santa has been drinking

The Santa has been drinking

The snowman was blind in one eye and he can't see out of the other
Mr. Jack Frost has got a hearing aid and he showed up with his eggnog
And the Santa has been drinking

Without fear of contradiction I say:
the Santa has been drinking

Our Father who areth in the North Pole
hallowed it be
Thy sleigh, thy presents come, I will be done
Ah yeah, as it is in the stocking
Give us this day our daily snow
Forgive us our naughties
as we forgive all those who continue to be naughty against us
And lead us not into the fog bank
but deliver us from Kwanza
and someone give us all a candy cane

Cause the Santa has been drinking
and he's your friend not mine
The Santa has been drinking
and he's not my responsibility
The chimney sweep is this Sumo wrestler, kinda cream-puff Cookie Mistletoe.
And the holly bough is just a mental midget with the I.Q. of a fence post
And I'm going down
Hang on to me, I'm going down
Watch me skate across an acre of fireplaces
I know I can do it
I'm in total control

And the Santa has been drinking
and he is embarrassing me
The Santa has been drinking
he raided his present bag
The Santa has been drinking
And the carolers are all on fire
and all the list was just fooling
and the little helpers have retired
and I've got a feeling that the Santa has been drinking
It's just a hunch

The Santa has been drinking
and he's going to lose his milk & cookies
And the Santa has been drinking
not me
not me

The Santa has been drinking
not me
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