yesterday morning, from very early on in the day, i had a stab-in-the-gut that left my spirits fairly shambled.
yesterday afternoon, i started feeling sick.
last night, i tried to write, to no avail. wasted some time and went to bed drugged, and very early.
my dreams of late have had lots to do with apocalypses involving exploding planes. planes that had nukes on them. all sorts of weird shit.
today i had a repeat gutstab. i am fighting it. i need to not get sick. i have so much to do between now and that oasis of time away from what has become my life lately. i have begun to wonder if my physical health might not be very intricately tied to my emotional health. i got two more rejection letters yesterday.
one of the folks at work offered me a sublet today. it is a weird thing, because i don't even her them that well. i'd hate to leave mightywombat in the dust, though it would be muy cheap, and closer to work. i'll have to talk to him, if i bother to see the place, and it is something doable.
i feel like i am trying to grab control of my life wearing fireplace gloves. if you have ever had a fireplace or a wood burning stove, they make these thick leather padded gloves to prevent you from burning the shit out of yourself. the entire purpose of the gloves is to allow you to grip without feeling. sometimes though, because you can't feel very well, your grip sucks. other times, your grip is too good, and you get fingers sandwiched between burning logs.
i'm gonna go hunt some more drugs.