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malaise

monday, i managed to continue extending my good zone from the weekend.
yesterday morning, from very early on in the day, i had a stab-in-the-gut that left my spirits fairly shambled.
yesterday afternoon, i started feeling sick.
last night, i tried to write, to no avail. wasted some time and went to bed drugged, and very early.

my dreams of late have had lots to do with apocalypses involving exploding planes. planes that had nukes on them. all sorts of weird shit.

today i had a repeat gutstab. i am fighting it. i need to not get sick. i have so much to do between now and that oasis of time away from what has become my life lately. i have begun to wonder if my physical health might not be very intricately tied to my emotional health. i got two more rejection letters yesterday.

one of the folks at work offered me a sublet today. it is a weird thing, because i don't even her them that well. i'd hate to leave mightywombat in the dust, though it would be muy cheap, and closer to work. i'll have to talk to him, if i bother to see the place, and it is something doable.

i feel like i am trying to grab control of my life wearing fireplace gloves. if you have ever had a fireplace or a wood burning stove, they make these thick leather padded gloves to prevent you from burning the shit out of yourself. the entire purpose of the gloves is to allow you to grip without feeling. sometimes though, because you can't feel very well, your grip sucks. other times, your grip is too good, and you get fingers sandwiched between burning logs.

i'm gonna go hunt some more drugs.

Comments

online_stalker
Mar. 2nd, 2005 07:55 pm (UTC)
dude, why are you always so morose? trust me, i know that life sucks, but there is a lot to be said for the "power of positive thinking."

now stare at my icon and let my ass sparkling hypnotize you into happiness.
hoolifan
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:08 pm (UTC)
No offense, but you're not exactly a bubbly fountain of positivity yourself.

I'm hoping you were being sarcastic.
online_stalker
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC)
when have you ever known me to *not* be sarcastic?
yes, i've turned a over a whole new "serious" livejournal leaf. next i'm going to start posting sappy poetry and camwhore shots that don't primarily feature my ass.
hoolifan
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
Re: when have you ever known me to *not* be sarcastic?
next i'm going to start posting sappy poetry

"I fall upon the thorns of life... I BLEED"

i've turned a over a whole new "serious" livejournal leaf

You could join all kinds of goth ratings communities.

Actually, that might be a fun experiment - we could dress you up in clothes from Hot Topic and the stalls on St Mark's and see who we can fool.
online_stalker
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
omg i've found the first rating community i'm joining: _ohlovemyass. so perfect. i can totally out-ass anyone in those craptastic applications.
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:20 pm (UTC)
wow
it is like they handmade that comm for you.
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:32 pm (UTC)
please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
i was totally one of those sapped out gothy kids. i was usually more angry than whiny though.
hoolifan
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:34 pm (UTC)
Re: please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
I was just one of those sapped-out kids. I didn't even have goth to cling to. I wrote a lot of "early Rollins" type poetry.

It's one of those "I'm allowed to say it because I was there too" things.
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:37 pm (UTC)
ha
i was just at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong wardrobe. goth wasn't even a word really, i don't think, at that point, outside of cathedrals.
online_stalker
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:38 pm (UTC)
Re: please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
is there anyone who didn't go through a sappy poetry phase? i was never goth but i did color my hair with kool aid and wear doc martens.
yeah - delascabezas - Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
jesus man - delascabezas - Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: jesus man - wangch61 - Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: jesus man - online_stalker - Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
umm - delascabezas - Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
heh - delascabezas - Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
heh
i get a lot of shit out here so it doesn't choke me in real life.
i've always been a bipolar person - i'm high as a kite when things are good, and low as the rut when things are bad - i have a tough time oscilating between the two. i am trying though. i'm not _always_ morose =)

thanks for the cheerful hypnotism.
wangch61
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)
Re: heh
"i've always been a bipolar person - i'm high as a kite when things are good, and low as the rut when things are bad - i have a tough time oscilating between the two."

it stuff like that that makes us friends.
Our real differneces come from our chosen outlets.
Your outlets are puters and writing. My outlets are odd humor and assualt on inanimate objects (like that garbage can outside of fat black pussycat on my b-day)

On the bright side, you have the skills to make people see your joy or pain. All i have to show is a library of congress of "one-liners" in my head and some slowly fading scares on my knuckles. stupid cement.
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:13 pm (UTC)
meh- for better or worse
that is what you ahve friends for man - to stop and ask if you are beating up the wall because it said something about your mom, or because you are frustrated about something else =)
wangch61
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:05 pm (UTC)
Re: heh
PS
cheer up...your not Gammon

20 says he has yet to get laid
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:12 pm (UTC)
LMAO
way to keep it in perspective g.
he probably has quite an impressive array of porn tho.

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Steam Escaping!
delascabezas
The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers.
delascabezas.com

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