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monday, i managed to continue extending my good zone from the weekend.
yesterday morning, from very early on in the day, i had a stab-in-the-gut that left my spirits fairly shambled.
yesterday afternoon, i started feeling sick.
last night, i tried to write, to no avail. wasted some time and went to bed drugged, and very early.

my dreams of late have had lots to do with apocalypses involving exploding planes. planes that had nukes on them. all sorts of weird shit.

today i had a repeat gutstab. i am fighting it. i need to not get sick. i have so much to do between now and that oasis of time away from what has become my life lately. i have begun to wonder if my physical health might not be very intricately tied to my emotional health. i got two more rejection letters yesterday.

one of the folks at work offered me a sublet today. it is a weird thing, because i don't even her them that well. i'd hate to leave mightywombat in the dust, though it would be muy cheap, and closer to work. i'll have to talk to him, if i bother to see the place, and it is something doable.

i feel like i am trying to grab control of my life wearing fireplace gloves. if you have ever had a fireplace or a wood burning stove, they make these thick leather padded gloves to prevent you from burning the shit out of yourself. the entire purpose of the gloves is to allow you to grip without feeling. sometimes though, because you can't feel very well, your grip sucks. other times, your grip is too good, and you get fingers sandwiched between burning logs.

i'm gonna go hunt some more drugs.


Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
Re: when have you ever known me to *not* be sarcastic?
next i'm going to start posting sappy poetry

"I fall upon the thorns of life... I BLEED"

i've turned a over a whole new "serious" livejournal leaf

You could join all kinds of goth ratings communities.

Actually, that might be a fun experiment - we could dress you up in clothes from Hot Topic and the stalls on St Mark's and see who we can fool.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
omg i've found the first rating community i'm joining: _ohlovemyass. so perfect. i can totally out-ass anyone in those craptastic applications.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:20 pm (UTC)
it is like they handmade that comm for you.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:32 pm (UTC)
please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
i was totally one of those sapped out gothy kids. i was usually more angry than whiny though.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:34 pm (UTC)
Re: please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
I was just one of those sapped-out kids. I didn't even have goth to cling to. I wrote a lot of "early Rollins" type poetry.

It's one of those "I'm allowed to say it because I was there too" things.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:37 pm (UTC)
i was just at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong wardrobe. goth wasn't even a word really, i don't think, at that point, outside of cathedrals.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:38 pm (UTC)
Re: please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
is there anyone who didn't go through a sappy poetry phase? i was never goth but i did color my hair with kool aid and wear doc martens.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:41 pm (UTC)
i didn't use kool aid, but yeah
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:42 pm (UTC)
Re: please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
color my hair with kool aid and wear doc martens.

Why'd you stop? You should revive that look. Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine made it OK again.

Someday I'll have to post pictures of me in high school. We're talking shoulder-length hair parted in the middle and shaved on the sides... flannel... 8-eye Docs... oversized cords and skater shorts... a bathrobe tie I used to wear as a belt... amazing stuff.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:46 pm (UTC)
jesus man
sounds like we mighta ended up in the same lineup once or twice - except for the bathrobe tie - i had lots of gaudy silver rings tho.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:58 pm (UTC)
Re: jesus man

you know you wear them around the house still
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)
Re: jesus man
haha, now i'm picturing him in boxer shorts and slippers, dripping with gaudy silver jewelry. the imagery is spectacular.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)
i don't think i've had slippers since i was 8, maybe 10 (and those were really moccasins that i wore around the hosue only)
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:02 pm (UTC)
actually, i still wear them sometimes, just not all at the same time.


Steam Escaping!
The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers.

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