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malaise

monday, i managed to continue extending my good zone from the weekend.
yesterday morning, from very early on in the day, i had a stab-in-the-gut that left my spirits fairly shambled.
yesterday afternoon, i started feeling sick.
last night, i tried to write, to no avail. wasted some time and went to bed drugged, and very early.

my dreams of late have had lots to do with apocalypses involving exploding planes. planes that had nukes on them. all sorts of weird shit.

today i had a repeat gutstab. i am fighting it. i need to not get sick. i have so much to do between now and that oasis of time away from what has become my life lately. i have begun to wonder if my physical health might not be very intricately tied to my emotional health. i got two more rejection letters yesterday.

one of the folks at work offered me a sublet today. it is a weird thing, because i don't even her them that well. i'd hate to leave mightywombat in the dust, though it would be muy cheap, and closer to work. i'll have to talk to him, if i bother to see the place, and it is something doable.

i feel like i am trying to grab control of my life wearing fireplace gloves. if you have ever had a fireplace or a wood burning stove, they make these thick leather padded gloves to prevent you from burning the shit out of yourself. the entire purpose of the gloves is to allow you to grip without feeling. sometimes though, because you can't feel very well, your grip sucks. other times, your grip is too good, and you get fingers sandwiched between burning logs.

i'm gonna go hunt some more drugs.

Comments

delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:32 pm (UTC)
please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
i was totally one of those sapped out gothy kids. i was usually more angry than whiny though.
hoolifan
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:34 pm (UTC)
Re: please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
I was just one of those sapped-out kids. I didn't even have goth to cling to. I wrote a lot of "early Rollins" type poetry.

It's one of those "I'm allowed to say it because I was there too" things.
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:37 pm (UTC)
ha
i was just at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong wardrobe. goth wasn't even a word really, i don't think, at that point, outside of cathedrals.
online_stalker
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:38 pm (UTC)
Re: please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
is there anyone who didn't go through a sappy poetry phase? i was never goth but i did color my hair with kool aid and wear doc martens.
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:41 pm (UTC)
yeah
i didn't use kool aid, but yeah
hoolifan
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:42 pm (UTC)
Re: please leave the skeletons in the closet where you found them
color my hair with kool aid and wear doc martens.

Why'd you stop? You should revive that look. Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine made it OK again.

Someday I'll have to post pictures of me in high school. We're talking shoulder-length hair parted in the middle and shaved on the sides... flannel... 8-eye Docs... oversized cords and skater shorts... a bathrobe tie I used to wear as a belt... amazing stuff.
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:46 pm (UTC)
jesus man
sounds like we mighta ended up in the same lineup once or twice - except for the bathrobe tie - i had lots of gaudy silver rings tho.
wangch61
Mar. 2nd, 2005 08:58 pm (UTC)
Re: jesus man
had?

you know you wear them around the house still
online_stalker
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)
Re: jesus man
haha, now i'm picturing him in boxer shorts and slippers, dripping with gaudy silver jewelry. the imagery is spectacular.
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)
umm
i don't think i've had slippers since i was 8, maybe 10 (and those were really moccasins that i wore around the hosue only)
delascabezas
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:02 pm (UTC)
heh
actually, i still wear them sometimes, just not all at the same time.

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Steam Escaping!
delascabezas
The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers.
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