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monday, i managed to continue extending my good zone from the weekend.
yesterday morning, from very early on in the day, i had a stab-in-the-gut that left my spirits fairly shambled.
yesterday afternoon, i started feeling sick.
last night, i tried to write, to no avail. wasted some time and went to bed drugged, and very early.

my dreams of late have had lots to do with apocalypses involving exploding planes. planes that had nukes on them. all sorts of weird shit.

today i had a repeat gutstab. i am fighting it. i need to not get sick. i have so much to do between now and that oasis of time away from what has become my life lately. i have begun to wonder if my physical health might not be very intricately tied to my emotional health. i got two more rejection letters yesterday.

one of the folks at work offered me a sublet today. it is a weird thing, because i don't even her them that well. i'd hate to leave mightywombat in the dust, though it would be muy cheap, and closer to work. i'll have to talk to him, if i bother to see the place, and it is something doable.

i feel like i am trying to grab control of my life wearing fireplace gloves. if you have ever had a fireplace or a wood burning stove, they make these thick leather padded gloves to prevent you from burning the shit out of yourself. the entire purpose of the gloves is to allow you to grip without feeling. sometimes though, because you can't feel very well, your grip sucks. other times, your grip is too good, and you get fingers sandwiched between burning logs.

i'm gonna go hunt some more drugs.


Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)
Re: heh
"i've always been a bipolar person - i'm high as a kite when things are good, and low as the rut when things are bad - i have a tough time oscilating between the two."

it stuff like that that makes us friends.
Our real differneces come from our chosen outlets.
Your outlets are puters and writing. My outlets are odd humor and assualt on inanimate objects (like that garbage can outside of fat black pussycat on my b-day)

On the bright side, you have the skills to make people see your joy or pain. All i have to show is a library of congress of "one-liners" in my head and some slowly fading scares on my knuckles. stupid cement.
Mar. 2nd, 2005 09:13 pm (UTC)
meh- for better or worse
that is what you ahve friends for man - to stop and ask if you are beating up the wall because it said something about your mom, or because you are frustrated about something else =)


Steam Escaping!
The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers.

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