60o F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.
50o F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.
40o F: Italian and English cars won’t start. People in New England drive with the windows down.
32o F: Distilled water freezes. The water at Moosehead Lake in Maine starts getting cooler.
20o F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and wool hats. People in New England throw on a flannel shirt, buttons open.
15o F: New York City landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0o F: All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close the windows.
10o below zero: Californians escape en masse to Mexico. Girl Scouts in New England sell cookies door to door.
25o below zero: Las Vegas disintegrates. People in New England rummage around the attic to find some winter coats.
40o below zero: Washington D.C. runs out of hot air. People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
100o below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Some New Englanders are frustrated when they can’t start their “kahs.”
460o below zero (absolute 0 on the Kelvin Scale): All atomic motion stops. People in New England start saying “Cold ‘nuff for ya?”
500o below zero: Hell freezes over. Red Sox win the World Series.