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I had a revelation last night.

For years I have been searching for meaning, understanding, a sense of community and wholesomeness which I once had, when I had unwavering faith, but lost when that fell to the floor and shattered.

Last night, Jesus picked up the pieces. The devil's plan of muddying my world with fact, with science, with philsophy, and history, and antrhopology has failed.

I realized the brilliance of Jesus' plan. I had known for years how his message of messianic millitarism had been twisted by persecuted Christians when the Romans pushed the cult underground. Not everyone realizes that Jesus was an asskicker. He loves us, sure, but he wants us to save ourselves, and others, through force of arms. Drive out the corruption. Drive out the wrongdoers. Drive the blight of the sickled moon and the scar of the braided star from the Holy Land. Salvation comes with a scourge and some pain. It took centuries of a message of love to turn to a message of hatred, intolerance, and war. Jesus planted a seed on Golgotha, and it has sprouted in this day and age, birthing the new Crusade in preparation for the Rapture. It is not for the weak of heart. It is not for the wicked. Not everyone will be saved. You have to find Jesus in your heart, and tell him you believe, and that you will be his soldier. Being a soldier for Jesus means being willing to die for what you believe in, for what He teaches. It means being willing to kill for what you believe in, for what He teaches. It means saving as many as you can, and being able to condemn those who will not see the light, despite you reaching out with the hope of Jesus' love. Being a solder of Christ means fighting the evils around the world and at home. It means stopping the abomonations of same-sex relationships, abortion, unwed pregnancy, drinking, and drugs. It means you devote yourself to a cause which will offer you redemption when the Rapture comes.

Jesus found me last night, and you guys are screwed. Most of you on my friends list are heathens, nonbelievers, or worse. Convert or die. I don't have to preach it, the President is (God bless him), Middle America is (God bless them), and the rest of the world who embraces the truth and sanctity of the pureness of Jesus' message. Accept Jesus' love in your hearts, or die and burn forever in torment. Expect a friends list cut later this afternoon, after I get back from my Baptism.

I would like to thank this man for opening this door for me. Next to Jesus, he will always be one of my favorite people.


( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:22 pm (UTC)
amen brother
do not despair, you can be saved too, before departing to the den of sin and evil you will soon be living in.

be not afraid!
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:23 pm (UTC)
Oh boy, today is going to be iiiiiiiiinteresting!
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:28 pm (UTC)
take the red pill
you know you want to
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:25 pm (UTC)
dont make me hurt you.
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:30 pm (UTC)
threats of bodily harm are nothing to the saved! bring it on. the Lord will decide when the mission is accomplished.
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:34 pm (UTC)
Re: bah
i'm making my shopping list now:
2-3 buckets of water
barbed wire
2-5 industrial sized sponges
2 car batteries.
a baseball bat.

i'm sure i can help you.
I will bring my friend Jesus with me.....he works in a local bodega
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:36 pm (UTC)
I know Jesus
He is my homeboy:

I don' know why you need to bring all that stuff to my Baptism man. They'll have their own stuff, all you need to do is bring your faith.
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:28 pm (UTC)
Welcome unto the fold of believers!
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:31 pm (UTC)
you believe in the wrong thing though
you betta recognise! the jews are a#1 on Jesus' hit list. if you don't repent, you will lament.
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:32 pm (UTC)
Allah Akhbar!
There is one God but God.
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:37 pm (UTC)
Re: you believe in the wrong thing though
Mmmm, Jewish Nighttrain...
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC)
Re: you believe in the wrong thing though
Please note my new name on LJ, being "Chai Class Hooker."

Because, yeah.
(Deleted comment)
Re: you believe in the wrong thing though - mrshellion - Jan. 27th, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:36 pm (UTC)
Re: you believe in the wrong thing though
lets not get crazy..i am sure jewish women can be saved.
the men you can do what you please.
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:37 pm (UTC)
Re: you believe in the wrong thing though
You know it, baby.
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC)
Re: you believe in the wrong thing though
hey when they send that much time on their knees they can be evil.
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC)
Re: you believe in the wrong thing though
That's the way the goyim pray... we're just trying to fit in!
Jan. 27th, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC)
His noodly appendage will smite you down for turning your back on the true faith! PASTAFARIANS UNITE!
Jan. 27th, 2006 05:00 pm (UTC)
At the risk of frying your mind, please consult the most recent post at a laugh for your soulNaughty·lil·Devils
Jan. 27th, 2006 06:04 pm (UTC)
it means stopping the abomonations of...drinking

We Catholics get a free ride on this one.
Jan. 27th, 2006 08:40 pm (UTC)
Praise the lord! All those horrible homosexuals need to be killed. And all the other kinds of sexuals too, while we're at it. I too hope to bask in the warmth of Jesus' love. To prove it, I killed three Muslims. Well, they may have been Hindi, but they're all the same anyway. Next time I'm in the area, we should share favorite passages from the bible.

Oh, and you'd never believe it. I met this ladybug and we've decided to get married. I hope that's not unholy, being a ladybug instead of a manbug or something.
Jan. 27th, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC)
I think Wb or one of those teeny bopper channels should do a life a christ as a teen series. He'd have issues with his parents, (telling his dad he's not his real dad) and typical teen issues like drinking (it's just a little water, mom) he could save all kinds of people but maybe ass backwards to the final result. . . maybe see the real story.

thanks for enlightening us. glad to see you were just lewis caroling us. . . whew.
Jan. 27th, 2006 09:34 pm (UTC)
glad you enjoyed, and that you clicked the link!
Jan. 27th, 2006 09:38 pm (UTC)
Re: heh
yeah, that's me, i'm a link clicker
Jan. 27th, 2006 11:38 pm (UTC)
wow that was disturbing
I look foward to you convertin me or killing me
Jan. 27th, 2006 11:46 pm (UTC)
Re: wow that was disturbing
yeah, that's me. I'm hording weapons and sheep
Jan. 28th, 2006 08:05 pm (UTC)
'Bout time you saw the light, man. I love it! I missed the deadline, though. Hopefully my baptism will take place next year. That is if my soul is not consigned elsewhere before that appointed time.

the President is (God bless him)
Yes, yes, let him!
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )


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