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my mp3 player has a sense of humor

so, at a little after nine yesterday, i started getting really lethargic. i think it was secondhand exposure to extreme laziness of DMV workers. so i decide to lay down for an hour, wihout setting an alarm. i got my four hours of sleep for the night, but now i have a much longer than usual road to sunup.

there are some seriously loud crackheads in my neighborhood. if Dracula were alive undead today, the line would be "Ah, the hood rats of the night, what shitty pop music they make."

i have an amusing anecdote to relate, which will probably offend the more traditionally dead-jew observing religious types on my fl, and i don't mean muslims.

as you may or may not know, or, as it may or may not surprise you, i once, as tom waits put it "attended a major university". this institutuion was frighteningly caucasian, and even moreso catholic (we are talking 98%, 99% respectively). at that time, i was just as invested in religious research, etc, but was a lot more angry than i am today (if you can believe it). i liked being mean, as evidenced by this story.

at an institution with a background like the one i set up above, one can only imagine that everyone has off on easter weekend. break started good friday, and ran for a week after that.

my freshman year, i lived on the most insane party hall in the entire school. we had three expulsions within the first month, and our RA definitely got some grey hairs. these people were drunkards, stoners, and pill poppers. but they all went to mass every sunday, and had no problem giving me shit for it for not doing so.

well, at around 2am on good friday, i cooked up a little taste of revenge for the many moons of christ-loving discrimination i had dealt with. i ordered five large pizzas. when they got there (there was an excellent pizza place that delivered until 4am), i plopped the pies down and set to work.

after about 10 minutes, i was bellowing down the hall, letting everyone know that they had free pizza available to them. this fact, as it always is in a college environment, was transmitted borderline tellepathically amongst the party heads, and i had a good mosh pit outside my dormroom pretty quick, all grabbing at slices nicely arranged on paper plates. beneath every slice of sausage, pepperoni, bacon, hamburger, or hammy goodness was a nice little note scribbled in crayon (so as not to ruin the taste of the pizza).

"happy good friday"

seriosuly, there were two kids who went to the bathroom to make themselves puke to save their souls. it was one of the best fourty bucks i spent in college.

i think this only escalated the agression though. looking back, this may have been why someone started my bulletin board on fire a few weeks later.

thanks to fonem for reminding me of this story!


( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 14th, 2006 06:14 am (UTC)
Classic. :D
Apr. 14th, 2006 03:22 pm (UTC)
i think so
writing this post made me want bacon cheeseburger pizza so badly though.
Apr. 14th, 2006 03:24 pm (UTC)
Re: i think so
I think you should go have one today, you know, in celebration of good friday, and all.

Apr. 14th, 2006 08:04 am (UTC)
does the term 'bastard-coated bastard with bastard-cream filling' mean anything to you? :-p
Apr. 14th, 2006 03:22 pm (UTC)
sound slike a tim hortons concoction
Apr. 14th, 2006 12:32 pm (UTC)

With love, from your favorite Christ Killer.
Apr. 14th, 2006 12:46 pm (UTC)
with love from nails?
that doesn't make much sense
Apr. 14th, 2006 12:59 pm (UTC)
Re: with love from nails?
I always say, the Jews didn't kill him, we just put the hit out on his hippy ass!
Apr. 14th, 2006 01:00 pm (UTC)
Re: with love from nails?
Also, where are you today?
Apr. 14th, 2006 03:22 pm (UTC)
at work
where else?
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 14th, 2006 02:30 pm (UTC)
Since I was vegetarian for so many years
I think I've EARNED meat on Fridays. Since I'm not actually a practicing Catholic, it doesn't really matter...but I do always love the tales of CHC-er practicing selective religion. If you're a shitty person, barfing up the sausage will not make God like you any better.
Apr. 14th, 2006 03:23 pm (UTC)
i doubt some of them would agree with you, but i am glad we see eye-to-eye on it =)
Apr. 14th, 2006 03:00 pm (UTC)
I did a similar thing my freshman year at a neighboring all-girl catholic universtiy, only when they showed up for the pizza I surprised them with pre-marital relations. Brides of the greased-one, my ass!
Apr. 14th, 2006 03:21 pm (UTC)
were they enthusiastic about purging themselves after they realized their sin as some of my ex-cohorts?
Apr. 14th, 2006 03:23 pm (UTC)
Re: nice!
I have no problem washing my hands of that second round of sin. After all, I just supplied the vodka and coathangers.

Man, I shouldn't do this on Good Friday....
Apr. 14th, 2006 03:29 pm (UTC)
why not?
if god sees it all anyway, talking about it doesn't hurt, particularly if you have already gone to confession and stuff.

the last time i went to confession (in 1996) it had been two years since i had gone, and i went in to ask the preist some questions, not ask for foriveness for sins. when we were done talking, he asked if i wanted absolution anyway, and i told him that thanks, but didn't have enough pennance for the last two years anyhow.
Apr. 14th, 2006 06:16 pm (UTC)
That was absolutely perfect. I was confused on one thing, though, did you write the message on the plates, or on the pizza slices themselves?

Dogma, in my opinion, is the worst part of any practiced religion. :)

And "Faith" by George Michael just came on the radio. BWAHAHAH

Apr. 15th, 2006 12:28 pm (UTC)
i wrote it on the plates
writing it on the pizza would have taken forever. if i used marker on the plates, i was worried the pizza would taste funny. use pen, and it would have probably been lost in the grease.
Apr. 14th, 2006 09:47 pm (UTC)
You know, it's pretty funny to me that none of these people had a problem being up and partying at 2:00AM on good friday, and didn't even realize what the date was *before* grabbing a slice of meat covered pizza!

That's a great story!
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )


Steam Escaping!
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