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twat? twat?! i cunt hear you.

i am deaf in my left ear, due to getting water pressurized in it yesterday lake swimming.
i had a blast camping in CT this weekend, but this ear thing is really pissing me off. i am, literally, half deaf at the moment, and it is really hard to function!

pictures on flickr soon, or tomorrow, who knows.

tonight, i am off to risky business at PPOW. if you are around 555 w. 25th street, and looking for something fun to do tonight, stop on by!

i spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about infinity. the bow on the infinite crisis was tied up in an anecdote told last night by L's dad, who mentioned that one of his family members used to go out to the ocean and cry. she said it would make her feel better, to feel so insignifigant in the face of the ocean, and offer her some perspective and release.

that is how i feel a lit. much of my day-to-day is spent busy, so that i don't focus on the signifigant insignifiganec of being. we all have red-hot egoes, and good freinds, lovers, loved ones, etc. when you hit that "zoom one layer out" button though, we are ants on a hill. hit that button again, and you can't tell the ants from the dirt.

there are about infinity minus one zoom levels from level three, where we cease to be recogniseable, much less meaningful.

we name things, we chart things, we study things. predictions and classifications give us a sense of control or understanding. ultimately though, we are no different than the bacteria on that grain of night-sleep sand you rub from your eyes in the morning, except for scope.

kinda mollifying, huh?

i think i am morbid because i killed a snake this weekend. i was collecting firewood, and there was a garter curled up in a rotting log, that broke in half when i picked it up. the snake was none too happy about this perdicament, and got a good snap in on my arm. i grabbed him and did the whip-cracky thing before i realized what i was doing. it made me sad. i buried the snake under a rock. survival of the fittest and all that, but shit, it tied in with this infinity trip i was on.

so what does everyone have goin on this week?


( 43 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 14th, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
nothing much...the normal....go to the gym...cry in a dark room and touch myself....a normal week indeed.
Aug. 14th, 2006 08:45 pm (UTC)
cry in a dark room and touch myself

Pictures plz.
Aug. 14th, 2006 10:12 pm (UTC)
"cry in a dark room and touch myself"

that made me laugh... i hope that was what you intended
Aug. 14th, 2006 08:36 pm (UTC)
really, towards what end do you ponder your own cosmic insignifigance? do you think it mattered to the snake that from a high enough zoom, there was barely any difference betwixt you two?
Aug. 15th, 2006 01:03 pm (UTC)
thought is not always about productivity
there are a great deal of times where what i am thinking about, or why i am thinking about it serves no greater purpose. as pragmatic as i can be in so many other lemenets of my life, when it comes to just sitting back and thinking, i roam all over.

to the best of our information, snakes are incapable of having an understanding which allows them to recognise that there IS a higher zoom. the oblviousness of blindness to the matter means a very simple existance.

what mattered to the snake was that i fucked with its lair. my intention was not to go out and kill something, but to gather firewood. in the midst of that, i became an instrument of death to something that was just doing what it felt the need to do to defend itself. if a tree had fallen on me and crushed my spine, it would have been no different in action - you are right, but the difficult distinction is that snakes, in general, wouldn't waste calories thinking about this stuff, while humans have the capacity to put it in perspective.
that's amazingly arrogant of you - timaeusdaspirge - Aug. 15th, 2006 01:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
i don't claim omniscience here - delascabezas - Aug. 15th, 2006 02:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - shabbyrosy - Aug. 15th, 2006 02:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
it is definitely part of my insomnia - delascabezas - Aug. 15th, 2006 03:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - timaeusdaspirge - Aug. 15th, 2006 03:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
tell the truth - timaeusdaspirge - Aug. 18th, 2006 01:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
yeah, so - delascabezas - Aug. 18th, 2006 01:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
the better question then... - timaeusdaspirge - Aug. 18th, 2006 01:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
a bit - delascabezas - Aug. 18th, 2006 01:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
follow up - timaeusdaspirge - Aug. 18th, 2006 01:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
my recent tribulations - timaeusdaspirge - Aug. 15th, 2006 03:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
ah see that was never something i mastered - shabbyrosy - Aug. 15th, 2006 03:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
control and the importance of it - delascabezas - Aug. 15th, 2006 06:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
no arguments there - timaeusdaspirge - Aug. 18th, 2006 01:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
Like being stuck in a fishbowl. - alittlefishy - Aug. 15th, 2006 03:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 14th, 2006 09:03 pm (UTC)
Something to try?
When that happens to my ear (it's happened twice in memory), I make sure to lay on that side when I go to sleep. And I make sure to clean my ears before bed, even if they are already clean. The water has always dripped out in my sleep.

Maybe that's something you should try. It might not work, but it's as good an idea as any others I can come up with.
Aug. 15th, 2006 01:12 pm (UTC)
tried tha tlast night, still no dice. this is really deep, and really sucks =(

thanks for the advice.
Aug. 14th, 2006 09:32 pm (UTC)
apparently if you put one drop of alcohol in that ear it will take it right out. but I dunno cos I haven't done it.
Aug. 15th, 2006 01:12 pm (UTC)
i am trying this tonight
worst that can happen is that i get drunk, right?
Re: i am trying this tonight - desayuno_ingles - Aug. 15th, 2006 01:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
see previous comment - delascabezas - Aug. 15th, 2006 02:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: see previous comment - desayuno_ingles - Aug. 15th, 2006 02:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
hudson hawk - delascabezas - Aug. 15th, 2006 02:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: hudson hawk - desayuno_ingles - Aug. 15th, 2006 03:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 14th, 2006 10:09 pm (UTC)
I have been reading this Mother Teresa book, and she has this really powerful paragraph about something similar!

Be sincere in your prayers. Sincerity is humility, and you acquire humility only by accepting humiliations. All that has been said about humility is not enough to teach you humility. All that you have read about humility is not enough to teach you humility. You learn humility only by accepting humiliations. And you will meet humiliation all through your life. The greatest humiliation is to know that you are nothing. This you come to know when you face God in prayer.

Often a deep and fervent look at Christ is the best prayer: I look at Him and He looks at me. When you come face to face with God, you cannot but know that you are nothing, that you have nothing.

Aug. 15th, 2006 02:14 pm (UTC)
religion and oblivion
we've chatted in/around faith before, and i think you know most of my views on the matter - i have no problem with the faithful who find solace in the teachings of their sect, but, personally, i have no compfort in them.

mother threresa, in her charter which created the missionaries of charity, was surely borrowing aspects of the dominicans and fransiscans who came before her. her observations on humility and humiliation are quite apt, but she takes a 180 where i keep going. christians, particularly catholics, have a very good umbrella in their divine beliefs, whereas i am totally out in the rain.

the essence of faith is that when you ponder the void, you have a reason, and there is some greater catch-all to our discernable insignifigance on a cosmic scale. in some sects, it goes so far as us being "special"; a purposefully created being with a specific aim in mind.

personally, i hold none of these beliefs. we are sophisticated animals, with a very small epoch on the biological scale of history, and not even a footnote on the cosmic scale. ultimately, you end up mulch for the next generation of worms, which might someday evolve into the next best thing, providing we don't bring the curtains crashing down on our species before i die in a manner that allows for burial.

the meditations of many of the saints are very apt from a philisophical point of view in my world, right up until faith is married into philosophy, at which point it becomes meaningless to me. i would be a fool to think aquianis or mother theresa foolish because of their beliefs, when so clearly, thier lives, and thier thoughts, hopes and emotions were incredibly profound - faith aside.

my version of knowing you are nothing, is, in fact, knowing you are nothing. mother theresa's version is knowing you are nothing in the face of god, or the face of the ultimate humiliation, which is the insignifigance of our humanity.
Aug. 15th, 2006 09:42 am (UTC)
apparently this was a habit of my grandfather's generation down in louisiana: find a snake, grab him by his tail, crack him to snap his spine, and thus kill him. this was probably made more interesting by the fact that most snakes [many snakes?] in LA are poisonous.

southern people do weird things.
Aug. 15th, 2006 12:59 pm (UTC)
that is pretty much what i did
when the snake is sitting around, you grab it by the tail, then whammo. i kinda crushed most of it's head pulling it outta my arm though.
Re: that is pretty much what i did - desayuno_ingles - Aug. 15th, 2006 02:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
they generally do not! - delascabezas - Aug. 15th, 2006 02:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: they generally do not! - desayuno_ingles - Aug. 15th, 2006 03:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 15th, 2006 04:32 pm (UTC)
click click...zoom?
Quite an interesting thread B, sorry I missed out on the bulk of it.

Really though, what i find comforting is that despite the fantastic cosmic insignificance of us all, and ultimately our planet/solar system etc, is that in a closed border infinite space universe, we are all about equal. Even something gigantic, the size of a cosmos is essentially a speck. So in that respect, we are as important as Sol or the Milky Way. Granted, that does not say much for the the overall significance of life in general, but truly, as the Bard oft wrote, "It's all one"
Aug. 15th, 2006 06:48 pm (UTC)
it all scales micro to macro. the problem is, when the mind's eye begins to take into account the fact that the only context you have for scale is from that micro view, it becaomes overwhelming.

the bard never really devolves the audience experience in this manner. he played with the wall a lot, but, ultimately, us talking about a closed border infinite space universe is like mitocondria talking about intercontinental airline travel.

i am not bothered by my insignifigance as much as i am bothered by the fact that along the path of my existance, there is a very long set of rules and expectations set upon me, which are directly tied to a sense of accomplsihment or requirement, which, ultimately, matters as much as a bunch of mitocondria discussing airline travel.

there is a lot more to this, but thanks for your input.
( 43 comments — Leave a comment )


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