The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers. (delascabezas) wrote,
The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers.

alcoholic story time

so, there has been mention of camping that happened this weekend, but no pictures (yet).

i would like to share with you a creative anecdote that was borne of silliness. we were staying in an alcohol-free campsite (read: smuggle in booze). we got in late on friday, and the ranger stopped by to tell us that we were in the midst of "quiet hours" and couldn't make a fire or talk or even fart too loud. this led to all of us standing around a cold fire pit making up the following story about our "friends" who might stop by. this story is much expanded on the original tale, but keeps both the spirit and flavor alive and well. thanks to all the contributors who helped with its birth - techtraum, cercaria, J and E.

Once upon a time, Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, and Johnny Walker were playing in the backyard. It was very hot out, so they decided to go inside to get a drink. When they went into the cupboard to get glasses, instead they found the Glenkeir Treasures! Five magic bottles; one was red, one was blue, one was gold, one was green and one was black.

Poor Jim Beam decided he didn't want to play with the bottles, so he had left the other two, and went off to find Old Grandad and shoot Wild Turkeys. Unfortunately, on the way to the hunt they fell off Heaven Hill in Highland Park, because they lost their way in the thick Canadian Mist and slipped in the Tullamore Dew. Old Grandad drowned in Knob Creek at the bottom of the hill, but not before he put a Bullet into the Redbreast of his grandson, as he rolled to his death.

Johnny Walker decided to drink out of the red bottle. He only took a Wee Dram, and quickly found himself fast asleep, like Pappy Van Winkle. While he lay snoring on the kitchen floor, Jack Daniels took the remaining bottles, to see if he could sell them down at Sullivan's Cove. Along the way, Jack stopped in at Baker's Hill, where Michael Collins, a Wild Scotsman, stole the bottles while Jack was admiring the Baker's Blue Hangar. When Jack discovered the bottles had been stolen, he was very upset, so he decided to go play Leapfrog with Evan Williams down at Rock Hill Farm.

After leaving Baker's Hill to meet Evan, Jack met the Queen of the Moorlands, who asked him to be like St. George, and vanquish the foul beast which was terrorizing her land. In return, she would offer Jack her Four Roses. Bravely, Jack crept down to Lindores Abbey, seeking the Old Man of Hoy, who might tell him the secret to defeating the beast. Unfortunately, Jack met the beast while creeping, and had no Talisman to defend himself against The Peat Monster and its Formidable Jock. So much for Jack.

Michael Collins, figuring that Jack had been on the way to Sullivan's Cove with the bottles, decided instead to go to The Six Isles to try to sell them. It took him many days journey, and Three Ships: a Merchant's Ship, a Cutty Sark, and lastly, a Mercian Ship, to get to Port Ellen, near Knappogue Castle. There Michael sold the bottles for a hefty price to Duncan Taylor, the Crown Royal of James MacArthur's Old Masters, and used the funds to purchase a Golden Horse, which he rode home faster than the Famous Grouse.


  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.