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not having your cake and eating it too

generally speaking, i'm a social creature by nature.

in the past few months ok, lets be honest, it has been a year, i've had stresses, both personal and professional, which has left me less than social than usual.

i miss my friends, i miss being social every weekend, but there are only so many hours (and dollars) to go around. despite missing my friends, change seems to be the MO in people's lives at the moment, and as that change settles in, who is to say that there will be things for me to miss anymore? folks are having kids, relocating, getting married, moving on, moving up, moving out... i guess i always figured i'd have enough lifelines that as crowds drifted apart, the remnants would be able to gel together. maybe they will, but i don't know that i'll be a part of the new neucleus. i'm not sure how that makes me feel. i keep bailing or fluxing out of people's plans - i'm sure that makes them feel like i don't care, or that stuff doesn't matter - that just plain isin't the case. what has changed is my ability to drop anything/everything and go, as i once did. i've had to give that up for other things. i can't say it is a totally even trade on all levels, but, so far, the benefits far outweigh the negatives, at least from an experential standpoint. sometimes, when i hear what i am missing, i wonder about that.

i can't say i regret the positive side of the decisions/commitments/resolutions i made a year ago, but i definitely have some whiplash from the hidnsight. experience and hopefullness often run akimbo - whenever i should be pessimistic about something, i end up being a downer, because things work out. when i hope for the best, i get my knees cut out when things blow up. i'm trying to stick to the middle waters - not an easy task. it has been quite a year - good and bad. life, and i have changed enough that it is hard to see the same person sometimes - i feel like my core has stayed the same, but a lot of the wrappings have changed. i wonder if, ultimately, the packaging changes the product?

my point is, even if i have been a really bad friend, and you still consider me a friend, please keep doing so - i'm gonna pull out of the tailspin soon (i hope) and when i do, i'll actually have some money (and some time) to re-connect and have some fun.



( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 3rd, 2008 09:27 am (UTC)
Screw it all. Come to Japan. ^_~
Aug. 4th, 2008 02:51 pm (UTC)
it is on the list
particularly after watching all your vblogs!
Aug. 4th, 2008 03:03 pm (UTC)
Might I suggest...
I can offer assistance via a place to stay, although I'd recommend bringing a sleeping bag as a carry-on if you wanna do that (it'll save mucho dinero if you do). Also, limited tour guide-ness. Limited because I work, but it'll be effective still.

Just sayin'. ^_^
Aug. 3rd, 2008 12:25 pm (UTC)
Here if you need me, as per usual.
Aug. 4th, 2008 02:52 pm (UTC)
idk what i need, i think that is part of the problem
Aug. 4th, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
Re: tx
Well, if you need to talk, I'm around.
Aug. 4th, 2008 01:28 am (UTC)
B., I will always and forever consider you one of my closest friends. Folks will always come and go, times will have their toughness, but I know you're always there and I hope you know the same is true for me.

That said, you'd better be able to come to our wedding, ya bum!

Aug. 4th, 2008 02:53 pm (UTC)
i'm comin
though i haven't found the box that has my RSVP in it! if I can't find it by this weekend, will your mom accept a hand-made reply, or will she break my legs??
Aug. 4th, 2008 02:57 pm (UTC)
Re: i'm comin
She'll accept a hand-written reply, but it'd better be creative! Make sure you at least write what song you'll dance to... and don't be cute and say "I don't dance," because that's not cute, that's dumb.
Aug. 4th, 2008 03:01 pm (UTC)
can you e me her addy?
i will only dance to a rendition of "the safety dance" performed by a live castratti orchestra.

barring that, i dance when i get good and drunk, which i won't be doing at your wedding.
Aug. 4th, 2008 05:10 am (UTC)
tornado alley
grand poster, that.
i love it when an ordinary piece of wood gets punched through steel pipe!
Aug. 4th, 2008 02:54 pm (UTC)
straw as a deadly weapon
i know right?
is my fav
Aug. 4th, 2008 02:50 pm (UTC)
man, i know just what you're saying - the necessity of hermitage vs. the needs of socialization. it's a constant state of flux, but the tide's still there, man.

ok, so maybe sleep-deprived philosophy isn't for everyone :-p
Aug. 4th, 2008 02:55 pm (UTC)
nah, it isin't
i just have too many pots and not enough stovetop
Aug. 4th, 2008 07:29 pm (UTC)
Been a sucky time for a few of us out here. Hang out and keep trying your best every day.
Aug. 18th, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC)
You rock, B. Also, aside from specific details, you and I are definitely on the same page here. Lemme know when/if drinks would be cool.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )


Steam Escaping!
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