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the 419 has nothin on us

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

(via boingboing)


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 23rd, 2008 01:33 pm (UTC)
Aw, I was coming to LJ to post that...
Sep. 23rd, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
sorry to steal your thunder
it made me chuckle too much not to repost.
Sep. 23rd, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
i don't understand what any of the wall street bailout truly means for me individually, but i do think that this is the right time to open an off-shore account.
Sep. 23rd, 2008 01:50 pm (UTC)
Actually, I think about 18 months ago was the right time, but oh well.
Sep. 23rd, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
short term vs long term
short term it means an (estimated) 2000$ hand-me-down tax debt to each taxpayer.

long term, who knows?

David Leonhardt's piece on this issue was pretty close to my heart. Amusingly, when I was googling it, I found this gem.

I'm no monday morning qb, and i want my friends in finance to keep their jobs. Overall though? I think we are putting a band aid on a punctured artery.

Here is a pretty good spread of views.

I agree about offshore fundage, but the question is where? At this point, diversified foriegn investment seems to be the way to go, but if we take a knockdown, nobody is going to be totally bouyant.

Sep. 23rd, 2008 02:02 pm (UTC)
Re: short term vs long term
i understood maybe every fifth word of that business week article. when it comes to finance, i'm completely retarded. that being said, i dumped a bunch of shitty mutual funds earlier this year in favor of high-yield savings account and it has to be the smartest thing i ever did.

so, essentially, my taxes go up, and my 401k takes a beating but years before i ever need to touch it? then i'm not that concerned. but if the financial market completely collapses, we all go down together, and at that point i start using the skills i've learned from my hobo friends, eg digging through trash cans, building shelter out of boxes and shrubs, drinking on the beach till i can't feel feelings anymore (i've almost got that one nailed).

there's gotta be some caribbean island with a bank that will make our money disappear off the us radar.
Sep. 23rd, 2008 07:36 pm (UTC)
i just realized I didn't link the main article i was talking about!

here you go - and it is in english!
Sep. 23rd, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)
ok, not really accurate, but lolz-worthy.
Sep. 23rd, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
i think it'd be funnier written as if it were coming from the executive branch...
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


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